Opinion: Shun the Xbox alligator and write about literally anything else

Yesterday, the Xbox marketing machine churned and spluttered before manifesting the following sentence: "An Alligator Swallowed an XBOX Series X – You Can Win It."

Surprisingly, I do not have an issue with that farcical string of words. Xbox sales are tumbling and hardware prices are soaring, so it makes sense for Microsoft to offer at least one person the chance to own an Xbox Series X before the launch of GTA VI. Even if it does come buried in the chest cavity of a cold-blooded reptile. 

No! I only really have two issues with this little blighter—I mean, biter. 

First, Microsoft has christened its technogator the 'X-BITE.' A pun entirely bereft of imagination and phonetic cohesion. 'Bite' doesn't even sound like 'box.' I would humbly suggest they should've stuffed another amphibious animatronic (they insist this isn't the real deal) and called it the X-CROC. A half-rhyme when mangled, but a much better proposition I'm sure you'd agree. 

Second, I knew deep down in my soul that some outlets would feel compelled to cover this. I wanted to be wrong. I even issued a public warning on social media. Yet, the lure of the grandiose promotional exercise is not easily ignored. 

I won't name names because I'm not a total heathen, but some high-profile publications have reported on the 'story' as if it were a totally straight news beat. No added context. No expert insight. Just 'here's an Xbox you can win (that just happens to be inside an alligator).'